Sunday, November 28, 2010

Another great song

The sun comes up I think about you the coffee cup I think about you I want you so it's like I'm losing my mind. The morning ends I think about you I talk to friends I think about you and do they know ? It's like I'm losing my mind. All afternoon doing every little chore the thought of you stays bright. Sometimes I stand in the middle of the floor not going left not going right. I dim the lights and think about you spend sleepless nights to think about you. You said you loved me or were you just being kind ? Or am I losing losing my mind ? All afternoon doing every little chore the thought of you stays bright. Sometimes I stand in the middle of the floor not going left not going right. Or am I losing my mind ? You said you loved me or were you just being kind ? Or am I losing my mind ? Or were you just being kind ? Or am I losing my mind ? Losing my mind losing my mind losing my mind.

Exit the Excess

I have had 2 weeks of madness.
I'm overworked, I've had multiple friends in town of which most I needed to lend a couch. I feel like everyday involves a glass of wine or vodka crans. I feel like I live in the hangover state.
I need a day off of life.
To just rest, organize my life, detox, take a ballet class or two. I ate meat for Thanksgiving. and steak the day after and a burger today. They were all amazing. I don't regret any of it but it stops here and tonight.
I need to start fresh. Get out of hospitality. Go somewhere where my talents are important and useful.

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

I pledge allegiance..

to God and myself
to be the best version of myself I can possible be.
to be selfless and kind in every situation
to have compassion
to love
to exercise my body and soul
to exercise my voice
to keep my body free of poisons (except that glass of wine)
to keep a clear mind
to remember birthdays and at least send a card
to make my family proud

Monday, November 15, 2010

can't stop, won't stop

On Facebook today, I wrote as my status 'I must say, I am happy'.
and it made me more happy that so many people responded and 'like'-ed my status.

I'm at a point where I realize that, well, I CAN have everything. I can do it. I'm surrounding myself with positive people and making positive and productive career choices. The biggest notion I need to remind myself is that I can't stop. I need to just power through the remainder of this year.

My apartment is great, my roommates are great. I love being surrounded by music theater artists. I'm one of those people that has a song in their head all day every day even when I go to bed.
So I was rearranging my room and a song popped into my head so naturally I started to sing a verse. Then out of nowhere chimes in Chris and sings the next line in the verse and I started laughing and Kristen chimed in too. It was hilarious. I felt united on some level.

I'm dancing again. I took ballet and hip hop last week. I'm absolutely enchanted. I refuse to get a gym membership so that I force myself to go everyday until I feel competitive again.
I picked up on it quickly and hopefully I'll continue to do so in the more advanced levels.

The only thing raining on my parade a little bit is work. Its drama all over again.
 The only thing I can depend on is how un-dependable it is. I guess its the nature of the game..

Friday, November 12, 2010

No more excuses

I had minor anxiety yesterday bc I realize, now that I'm in Queens, with a super low cost to live, I have no excuses anymore.
I'm free from the ever so encompassing Manhattan rent I used to pay (and a car payment for a car that I never used). I can never 'not afford' a class, a voice lesson, or an acting class. My schedule is even more flexible.
With this freedom came anxiety. Where do I start? What do I do? I need a serious plan. Goals. short-term. long term. This is my year. It'll happen. 2010 I was in 2 musicals and 3 television shows. Seems like an ok start considering its hard to be in more than say 5 shows a year bc of rehearsal times and at least a month run, etc... but I feel like I'm able to do more in film at least.
There are so many artists out there that live day by day, making their rent money at a restaurant and partying at night. I can't be that person.
I am definitely a social person but I can't let anything get in the way of what I am here to do.

Wish me luck.

Monday, November 8, 2010

Dear Blog: I'm sorry I've neglected you.

If somebody didn't speak to me for two weeks, I'd be pissed.
forgive me.

I'm sitting here, eating my first taste of Quinoa! Pescetarianism still in full effect :) My, how long has it been? I'll have to read my previous blog to see what date I declared. I did cheat and eat a meatball at my Cast party, I'm obsessed with meatballs. It burned my stomach. or it could have been the jack and diets. meh.

(note: this draft was saved and continued on November 8th, today)

and now I sit in my new living room. In Astoria Queens. I have two roommates, Kristen and Chris. I met both of them in the West Side story production I was cast in in Miami. Kristen is a cute and bubbly 23 year old and Chris is the resident Mr.fabulous who loves anything Alice and wonderland or animated for that matter. Its been awesome getting to know them and luckily we have more or less easy-going personalities and are considerate of each other.

This is a huge change for me. In fact, lets start at the beginning.
October. Month of Mikado, Moving, and reindeer horns.

The Mikado was an absolutely wonderful experience. I became close with 2 girls in particular, Christina and Julia. They are token hipster Brooklynites. Christina is so sweet and adorable. Julia is wonderfully nutty and both have amazing voices. I went through a bit of withdrawal but I was so nuts when it ended with the potential move and working that I now miss them tons!

The Reindeer Horns:
I tend to be the go-to girl for my friends. Need a yoga buddy- call Frances! Need extra people to help work an event? Call Frances!
So when  my friend Alex's roommate needed an extra hand swarovski-crystalizing reindeer horns for Saks' christmas decor I immediately signed up especially since they paid nicely. However, I became over- ambitious thinking I could do one horn a day amidst apt searching and a show. The due date was my moving date. I'm crazy. I was only able to do 4 horns but let me tell you, the day I turned in the horns I felt a huge weight lift off my shoulders.
I was free. October was over. Now back to a somewhat normal life. My plan is to work my booty off through January then visit my family for 2 weeks.

The bigger question:
How the hell did I get to Astoria?
Well the last post let you know that my mgmt company screwed me over on transferring to another apt. Kristen moved in two weeks later and Chris joined us on the apt search.
It was two weeks of hell. We met with brokers, some scam artists, and looked at every single 3 bedroom possible. We were happy with two apartments, one in Astoria and another in Wash Heights. The Washington heights apt was much prettier  but the commute would be harder and Astoria is close midtown and the Eastside where we all hang out.
If there is anything I've learned from this experience, it's patience and being considerate of others. There are moments where I do feel like the mom. I've been here much longer then they have and pretty much know what to do. I definitely inadvertently became the house captain, making appts with the cable guys, the landlord, the repair man, etc....not so much fun.

We have very different styles. I'm more classic and sophisticated, Kristen is girly and pink everywhere, Chris likes anything cartoon and crazy colors. Thankfully I had 80% of the furniture  which set the tone for the apt otherwise it would have been a shimsham and anyone who knows me knows how picky I am about interior design. OK I know. I'm a bit of a control freak but I feel like I've been soooooo patient. I'm not a game player and this apt has every Rockband and Wii that exists. and it's ok! Change is good. change is good.

I will say this:
I feel so much more relaxed. I don't feel the pressure of the city's rent and still have the same access I did before.
Astoria is wonderful. It's full of actors, families, massive apartments, restaurants, bars, BAKERIES, fruit markets, fish markets, awesome pizza joints, etc.
It's not gentrified so most things are mom & pop shops, except there is a Gap and a couple banks and a gym.

and my room is HUGE!
I am having a little difficulty deciding what to do with so much space. I want to keep it very simple. I have no need for a dresser bc my closet is about 5'x10'. I want a chaise lounge or a 'fainting sofa'. They're very expensive so its definitely a splurge if I don't find one at the flea markets.
My concept is to have an all white room with varying white/beige textures and canvased artwork on the walls. No frames. just raw and simple. Bed in one corner and lounge in the other. I also have a large dramatic mirror which is framed in dark wood that doesn't exactly go with the concept but its so beautiful that I have to put it somewhere.

This year is going to be a good one. I can feel it. :)