Thursday, June 23, 2022

Saying no to money.

It feels a little bit like a deal with the devil. 

You're in a bind, you have goals, you could use the extra cash. 

If someone offered you six figures but at the cost of your mental health, would you take it?

I am in the midst of writing the letter to decline an amazing offer at a very well-known global enterprise. It isn't easy to do this. The luxuries this position could afford me and my family are constantly running through my head. Beach Houses. Trips to Morocco. You name it.  The one twist is– I know the job already. I did it freelance for 2 years. It compromised my mental and physical health on many occasions. I witnessed first-hand as my colleagues took nosedives into anti-depressants because the workload is unrealistic and the team increasingly understaffed. 

But I still haven't sent it. 

The hardest decision I've continuously made (and continuously regretted) was to take high paying jobs that were in a field I wasn't excited about, just for the money. I always found myself unhappy. Now, don't get me wrong, I've also lived the "working at a major name for peanuts" jobs and while fulfilling, it also correlates to my increase in debt. There is no right answer. Money gives you the ability to do things you like to do. For example, take a flight to Spain on a whim, pay people to help you do things you love. In my case, my vocal coach.

So what gives? 

As someone who is finally comfortable saying she's an artist, I'm very uncomfortable being broke. And for whatever reason, I've been conditioned that those two words go hand-in-hand. I recently read a book called How to Be an Artist Without Losing Your Mind, Your Shirt, Or Your Creative Compass: A Practical Guide. In it, JoAnneh Nagler gets real and in short, says that you need a day job, just not a stressful one so that you can walk away with a clear head and focus on your craft. And THAT's the issue with my predicament. I know I need a job. But the stress tied to it is far beyond what I'm willing to go through and put my family through. Is there a 6-figure job out there that is not stressful? Probably Not. But maybe they're stressful in spurts, not one long continuous mind-melting stretch of stress.

Ok. Sending.

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