Monday, July 26, 2010

Must kill the cat.

I think its safe to say I'm  addicted to men.
I had a great time in college and still no addictions. I'm not a 'huge fan of ' anything really.
Growing up I didn't have NKOTB posters plastered everywhere. I just wasn't my thing. I was constantly rearranging my furniture, though I did have an entire wall covered with pictures of me and my friends for years.
Even with cigarettes, I loved smoking but the day I decided to quit was the day my love affair ended. Although, I may indulge in one after I've had 5 drinks too many. :)

So back to men.
I have an uncanny ability to bounce back after a relationship. Its not that I'm over the ex but if you aren't for me then you aren't for me and I'm pretty good at finding distractions.

I think it had to do with that one die-hard relationship. That one lasted years beyond the breakup and became so unhealthy. That relationship made me realize that I don't want to suffer anymore. I don't want to settle and I don't want to put up with suffering.

I've had a few boyfriends since then.
I can't say its been easy. Even now I'm rebounding from who I thought was 'the one' or 'the one thats not for me'.
There has been light communication and I find myself going into that obsessive state of mind, checking emails every 10 minutes hoping to find a little glimmer of an 'I miss you' somewhere..
and I don't like it. The vulnerability sucks.

Clean cut is the way to go
But why is it so hard?

I can't help but be curious.

1 comment:

  1. looking for validation in some way. also, it would be nice to know that we had some affect on him/her and that he/she is experiencing some sense of loss. but no risk, no reward. so we bounce back into the game hoping that this time round is different. reasons people recycle: better the @sshole you know; don't want to be alone; hoping he/she changed (which barring a life altering experience, never happens); and going with what's comfortable. people dislike change and will stick with the status quo even if it sucks for a long time.